I'm still Alive!

The Christmas and New Year is around the corner. Everywhere is smell of the joyous of the festive season. And I am so excited to welcome my friend coming for her first white Christmas in United States.

Everything is gone just because I crash the car, early in the morning today. It's just like a dream and I wake up asking myself is it true. Yes, it is. It's so clear in my memory how the car slides and crash to the tree. And the image of the car damaged so bad, and the bad smell due to the burst of air bag.... It was so so bad!!

I know crying doesn't help anything, but I still feeling sad because I almost kill the kid and myself. I am so guilty and question about my stupidness in making the judgement. If I have to be more carefull and everything might not be the same.

Besides feeling bad and sorry for the family, I also feel bad because Poh Chin is on her way flying to US. How can I tell her that I 'lost' my car and let her to stay at home for the whole week? Instead she spent so much $$ to fly all the way in 36 hours from Australia. How can I show her everywhere? I may be have to pack my stuff and go home with her after 2 weeks...

Well, the kid told me I don't have to worry too much about the crash. He said that's his fault and he told me alot about the previous au pair and his brother's accidents. He told me his parents are rich enough to buy a new car. He told me that he likes me and doesn't want me to go home...... He tried to say many things and hugged to make me feel better. It's touching, isn't it? I am too guilty to 'crash' away the trust from his parents. Even if they don't say anything to blame me, I still feel bad because I 'm sure they will be so disappointed for my mistake.

Oh this might be the real reason if I quit huh..?

* Thanks God for your blessing. I thought I am dead the moment I crash. It was so bad and I am still alive now. I will learn from that and listen to your voice. I might be something you mean to be. I know the kid loves me now. And I know who really care when I am in trouble.