Sayonara Santa Fe

Santa Fe 2003

31MF14

Dec 16, 2005

This is your last picture before I kill you .

You must be angry at me because I destroyed you and you can't come home anymore...

Though they said you might not performed good in the snow but I think you are well done in other seasons. I felt so comfortable driving you around. I like to open the window on top of the seats and feel the fresh air when I'm driving on the country roads; you allow me to insert 6 CDs at once; your engine can be remoted start and warm up before I get in the car...

I'm sure I will miss you!

I'm still Alive!

The Christmas and New Year is around the corner. Everywhere is smell of the joyous of the festive season. And I am so excited to welcome my friend coming for her first white Christmas in United States.

Everything is gone just because I crash the car, early in the morning today. It's just like a dream and I wake up asking myself is it true. Yes, it is. It's so clear in my memory how the car slides and crash to the tree. And the image of the car damaged so bad, and the bad smell due to the burst of air bag.... It was so so bad!!

I know crying doesn't help anything, but I still feeling sad because I almost kill the kid and myself. I am so guilty and question about my stupidness in making the judgement. If I have to be more carefull and everything might not be the same.

Besides feeling bad and sorry for the family, I also feel bad because Poh Chin is on her way flying to US. How can I tell her that I 'lost' my car and let her to stay at home for the whole week? Instead she spent so much $$ to fly all the way in 36 hours from Australia. How can I show her everywhere? I may be have to pack my stuff and go home with her after 2 weeks...

Well, the kid told me I don't have to worry too much about the crash. He said that's his fault and he told me alot about the previous au pair and his brother's accidents. He told me his parents are rich enough to buy a new car. He told me that he likes me and doesn't want me to go home...... He tried to say many things and hugged to make me feel better. It's touching, isn't it? I am too guilty to 'crash' away the trust from his parents. Even if they don't say anything to blame me, I still feel bad because I 'm sure they will be so disappointed for my mistake.

Oh this might be the real reason if I quit huh..?

* Thanks God for your blessing. I thought I am dead the moment I crash. It was so bad and I am still alive now. I will learn from that and listen to your voice. I might be something you mean to be. I know the kid loves me now. And I know who really care when I am in trouble.

If...I Quit

If, one day I show up myself infront of you, please don't ask me why am I back to Malaysia out of a sudden. I have complained enough about the kid's attitute. That's the only reason may cause me to do that at this moment.

What is it means if I quit this program before the end of the contract? Is it prove that I am not tough enough to stay in challenges? Or is it prove that I just don't feel it's worth for me to stay any longer under such circumstances? Well, I really not sure......

Please help: Problem of Using Blogger

Can anyone tell me a better way to create and publish my post here. I almost fedup and may stop writting to this blog again due to some technical problems. It might be my own human problem which is lack of knowledge in using this blog.

Maybe some of you can answere my querries below:

1) The pop up screen to upload photos is always being blocked and I have to try for many times

before I get it.

2) To upload the photos, I need to do it one by one. If I try to upload more images at the same

time, the possibility of success is very low.

3) Problem does exist sometimes when I try to upload only one photo at a time.

4) Sometimes when I select one of the photo and delete it, all other photos also gone.

5) Difficult to arrange the photos position on the page. For example, if I put the photo on the left

upper corner, I can't to move it to somewhere later.

6) The latest uploaded photos always being inserted on top of all others. For instance, I uploaded

photo 1 and 2. And now, I want to insert photo 3 at the bottom, it will only appear on the top

instead of the place that I intend to put.

7) A new problem found: The icon up here (the alighment of the sentences) sometimes is not

function properly.

8) How if somedays the onwer of this domain decided to remove or make some changes

(charge??) on this blog?

...............................

I am upset of trying for so many times and troubled by the technical problems.

Please help and comment.

Snow - Emergency School Delays or Cancels

It's forsee to has a snow storm started from early in the morning today. So, the schools are cancel and everyone get back to sleep. Yeah!!

But I am sure it's not a good news for those who have younger kids at home because they have to work more if the kids stay at home. My kids are older and I need not to sit beside them nor play with them. I think they wish I rather stay away from them. So, it's good for me. I am going back to my room now and continue my sweet dreams.

See ya!!

*It's snowing, so beautiful!!!

Be careful ..

Have you ever experience that somedays you are impatient and get angry easily? I guess this is common for women due to the hormon influences in our bodies. Someone may experience more serious than the other. And I am not sure how serious am I, but I do have the same effects.

In somedays when I am in the mode of 'quiet', I will just smile back if someone acted impolitely to me or even just ignore it. But somedays, I feel so bad and 'fight' back with them.

I guess I am in the Peak of the day in a month now. I am suppose to get the kid to his Mathematic tuition at 5:15pm. Usually, his schedule is very tight and so am I. So, I told him in the morning that I will pick him up from his friend's house at 4:15pm and go directly to the tuition. As usual, I forsee he is going to fight with me because he has to leave earlier. If he is at home, he would definately ignore me and only get into the car much later than the schedule time. He just does not care about being puncture to attend every functions in his life! Unless playing computer games or chatting online with his friends. So, once he get into the car, he started argue with me that he could only leave half an hour before the tuition start. His rudeness fan on my anger and I asked if he wants to get off the car now. Haha...how could I said so? It's snowing!! But it works! He must be more angry with me that I dare to ask him get off the car. I bet no one has ever did the same besides his mum (I was in the car with them last time and my host mum really pulled over her car and shouted at him to get off the car). After that, I told him with my angry voice that I dont mean to torture him but he always has tight schedule. He has no choice. Then, he started to lie on the window and sleep. I heard some sounds like he is crying, probably?? Haha..dare him to treat me so rude, he should know that he needs to be 'repair'.. :P

I was about to reach the library at 4:50pm. He was sleeping in the car. So, do you know what I did? I purposely missed the junction and spent more time on the road. I guess he doesn't know even if he is not sleeping because he has totally no idea where are we. Haha...normally he is so mean if he knows the ways and see how I did the same to him now....heheheee.....

So, man be careful!

Scrapbook, Papers, Stickers...

Some of you who saw my photo albums in my teenages may know that I enjoy scrapbooking alot. The process of paper cutting and decorating the album is a lot of fun. But after I started working and physically taxing from the terrible traffic in KL, I stop doing anything that is costing too much of time and effort. I stop scrapbooking.

Since I am so free nowadays and wish to do something to record my travel experience in US now, I started looking for scrapbooking materials again. That's make me even miss Malsysia more. As other stuffs, scrapbooking materials are expensive too. A stack of color papers cost around USD8 and it's approximately RM30. I never know that papers are so precious in America (haha..). If I am doing the same thing in Malaysia, I can use many different materials and even bind the book/album myself, everything is DIY and less costing.

Maybe I can make papers myself since there many woods surround me..hahaha...

Run Away?

This article is written because of the comments on my last article posted by Chyng. It recalls my work life memories.

I started working in Jusco since October 2002 and taken a 7 months "study leave" for my "Wonderful Vacation" in United Kingdom. After the studies vacation, I returned to Jusco in Malaysia and continued my working life again. It's fun to be attached with Children Amusement Project. My work is about 50% of walking around the stores, checking on the machines performance, testing on new machines, communicate with staffs as well as customers to find out their opinions, and merchandising of products. It might be more than that percentage sometimes when we have special functions or new machines come in. The rest of the very little share is paperworks like sales evaluation, monthly report, and research. I am required to visit each store at least once a week. We had 3 stores in total at that moment. Therefore, I could have visited the stores for 3 days a week and only stay in the office for the rest of 3 days or 2 days for non working Saturday. My job is fantastic!!

Oh then why I resigned and joined another company? A big question mark??

There are many reasons and income was matter the most at that time. My income was always not commensurate with my expenses. I was tired of taking public transport to work everyday. I guess most of you understand the situation of public transportation. I woke up at 6:00 in the morning to catch the bus at 7:00. And, taking a bus is a nightmare! I hate standing at the bus stop, posting myself on the roadside to be covered by the disgusting dust and screening by people from their cars. I hate to be 'Sadin Fish' in the bus for an hour and resulted in wearing many different 'parfume' at once! I hate to alight from the bus on the busy street and crossing the road when all the cars are coming from many sides! I hate to run from LRT station to office and everybody look at me when the loud beeping sound turns off because I was 5 or 10 minutes late. huhh..... And I hate store help, wasting my time by walking around the stores, waiting for those 'turtle' to finish their job; Sacrify my sleep time for audit the stock, J-Card days,... Though it's fun to gather with colleagues in the informal working environment during store help, but it's too frequent and I am not energetic enough to wake up the next day for work again.

I always wish to wake up at 8 in the morning, reach my office within 15 minutes, and get a better pay. And then, I really get it. And the new offer seems more attractive than being upgraded to Grade G in Jusco. Thus, I took a big turn from a children amusement business to concierge services in property development business. That sounds challenging? Well, Challenging = stressful!! I lost 5 kg in the second month and never gain it back till now... The mess in the new job is worse than my expectation and I was totally burn out! Besides those boring grandfather stories files, I also had to deal with some crazy, madly, bitchy people storm in to my office or the phone. I wondered why some people were so free to do nothing beneficial to the society but pick up the phone to scold people once they get off the bed, perhaps still crawling on their bed?? And I wondered why some people are so "gia su" and "gia si"? They spent for normal air-cond restaurant dinner but expected a Hilton/ Shangri-la services. They want others to be polite to them but they are so rude in the first place...

Huhh, what the heck? (this is not a rude word; it means "why should I care for?" and it's teaching in the school books..so, it's ok to say this). No matter how is it, it's no longer an issue for me. Well, of course I have some sweet memories in this company too. Those sharing with my "Suhaila" collegues in EHG and the "Artist Shell".

And now, my company is my host family and my colleagues are my host family members. It is quite difficult to draw a line in between work and home. I stay their house, consume their foods, driving their car, walking around in their territory. I am sure it's hard for many other au pairs to stay comfy at home and feel to be themselves. For me, I think I do well and I guess sometimes the kids feel like "it's Amy's house" because I walk everywhere, eat anything, use computer,...as I needed.

As I am living so comfortable in my current "home", I really wish that I need not to go back to the "Hell" again.

Be yourself

Happy Birthday

Hey, put down the flowers, I want to shoot the picture of them, not you crazy girls...

Up: Jenny (Germany) and Our birthday girl, Agnes (Poland) . Down: Johanna, Jenny (Germany), Amy (Malaysia), Agnes (Poland) and Marianela (Costa Rica)

Agnes, don't you promised your host mum that you are only invite 3 girls for your party? Why more than that? You girls have to clean up before leave.

Agnes, I enjoy the Polisky music very much though I don't understand it. It's really rock!! You are always so serious. This is the first time I see you turn into yourself when the music is on, so hot!! Perhaps this is the real you.. Don't be too restricted by your host family!! You are so lively in fact.

Moonlight Gentle

Romance...

Sometimes you seem so close to me, I tried so hard to touch you; but I failed.

So I tried to take a good picture of you, keep you in my memory as long as I can...

You can't wait to show up at 3 in the afternoon everyday.

It's weird to see you too early; but i'm happy to see you here!!

No wonder Chinese said that the moon in oversea is brighter and bigger. It's true! The moon was so close to me especially in Mid Autumn two months ago (Lantern fest).

I am looking at the moon, trying so hard to seek the refection of you! How are you doing in the other side of the globe?

Let's go Hiking!!

Ward Reservation Park

Andover

Who wants to walk in the woods in Malaysia? I am sure you will say it is a lot of mosquitoes!!

Hai, no choice here, too many parks in US.

(UK is too many castle and cathedral, but it's still better than woods... agree?)

Hey, I am on top of the mountain! (It's actually not too high)

This cluster meeting of hiking event has been postponed for a few weeks due to the bad weather. Finally, we make it in this sunny Sunday!

The sky is so blue !!

Marianela, carol and I (Three pretty girls!!)

Marianela has wild and enthusiastic beauty!

Carol has gentle and Oriental beauty!

And me,.......... innocence (This is what they said. hahahaaa... they being cheated by my naive face again...)

Living in Heaven

"You are living in heaven" my friend always tell me.

After so many struggle living in this family, listened to so many real stories from other girls, and visited to some of their houses, I am so glad that I am living with this family.

At first, I am really shock to see the country environment and everything seems to be so far from my expectation. I did cry for the dynamic changes and I felt homesick for the first time in my life. But with all your courages and supports, I see the light in the dark. I told myself to be patient, to open my eye and open my mind; to touch, to feel and to appreciate everything that comes to me. As I always say to myself: "God knows what is the most suitable for me, I believe in God's arrangement."

And I see the changes of colors, feel the changes of weather, experience the changes of cultures. I realize that I need not to have something same with my previous experiences in Australia, United Kingdom or even my own country that raised me. If it is all the same, why do I need to be here?

Yeah, after 2 months in US, I realize that I am really living in heaven. I have my own room with kitchen facilities, bathroom and living room. It is apart from the family rooms which give me a full privacy. I can spend my time in the family rooms when I like, I can also keep myself in my own room when I need to be alone; I can have friends to visit or even stay overnight whenever I like; I can play with my little boy - Ozzy whenever I like and just close the door when I want to get rid of him; I can have dinner together with my host family whenever I am lazy to cook or buy my favourite foods and they will pay for it; I can drive my car whenever and wherever I want; I can go out with friends and come home whenever without "being a cinderella"... They bought me a new DVD player when the old one is out; they give me a big and comfortable car which is safe and comfortable to drive; they never question my gas expenses,... Isn't it great enough?

Some of my friends are considering whether to extend another year in US. I think most probably I may not extend. I am so spoiled in this family. How can I survive in a bad condition if I am living comfortably now?

Thanks God!!

The worst calling card!!

Last night, I was so frustrated when I try to use the calling saving calling card. When I do the purchase online, they said the transaction is incomplete and request me to use Pay Pal instead of my visa. I thought it was failed and not charge to my account.

But yesterday, I received an email and provided all the PIN number and information to use the card. So I thought the transaction is success. So, I picked up the phone and tried to call. The answering machine keep saying that the line is busy, your PIN number is incorrect, the numbers that you dial is invalid,.... so many reasons!! And I look at the printed copy of the email from SallingSaving.com, there is not even a number that I can call for enquiry. What the hell is this!!

So, please don't ever recommend your friend to use this card again.

Becoming English Tutor

I am becoming an English tutor in one of the Community Action School. You must be wondering how could I get this job?

It is started like this:

When I first calling the Community Action office in the beginning of October, the teacher said I need not to learn English as I can speak good English. But I insist to attend the class to improve my English, as it is free and I am quiet free and always doing nothing at home. So, she put me in the waiting list and promise will give e a call when there is a seat for the class. I thought she was just get rid of me. But the administrator called me in following week to inform that I can attend the class. And I joined the class on October 25, 2005 which has started in last September.

The first day of class is amazing. All my other classmates came from different countries mainly from South America and there is a Korean women. Most of them are elderly people immigrated to America. My teacher, Mary Ann is an American lady in her middle age. She is very patient in teaching. In fact, the students are always act like kids. They always have fun in class, ignore the teacher's instruction and not paying full attention in the class. They speak spanish among themselves and always make noise when teacher is talking in front of the class. Sometimes I can see Mary Ann's frustration, but she control herself very well! Generally, they are friendly as they always wearing their innocent smile on their faces.

Besides that, the teaching materials are really surprising me! They are learning the very basic English such as Vowel, dictation, vocabulary, pronounciation, how to turn on the computer, key in username and passowrd and so on. It is the "A B C" for me! I waited to see what happen the next day and the day following. And finally, I told the teacher on the fourth day that I felt the class is too slow for me.

The week after, I submitted an essay to Mary Ann as requested. I wrote about myself, my studies histories and working experiences in a three pages of A4 papers. First, she is so surprise that I type in an organised form. After she read my essay, she showedBritishe other teachers. Finally, the decided to take me as a tutor to help other students.

They advertised in Boston Globe but the lady they employed did not show up. I am just came in the right time. I admitted that my English is not perfect, I am just better than other students. I still make mistakes and sometimes unable to express myself in a correct sentence. They do agree that there's no perfect languages in which people speak their own accent in their region. Kim wondered where I learnt my English from and he said that my English is so 'English'! He told me about 'Two countries is seperated but a common language.' In many ways, people from both countries use different form of English. For example, British pronounces "can't" as " + aunt" but American pronounces as "C + ant ". Some other differences like the use of the words as below:

British vs. American

Lorry vs. Truck

Naughty vs. Bad (naughty more refer to sex in US)

Pamper vs. Spoil

mobile phone vs.Cell phone

gorgeous vs. Awesome

The funny things is we as a Malaysian, English is a second language for us, we can undrstand no matter British or American, but they don't really understand each other. They are too used to their native language that they learnt since they born.

Let's come back to my topic. I become a tutor on every Tuesday and Wednesday. The rest of the days, I can borrow materials from the school and do self-study. I can always refer to Kim (he is my new teacher. I will help his students for studies) when I have any questions.

P/s:

God give me the chance, just give it a try! Why Not?

But God, It's better if I get paid. hehe

Thanks God, Thanks Buddha, Thanks Mary Ann and Kim.

A New Lense

Looking for a new lense

Responding to Lian's comments on my article - A colorful fall, I have a few words to say here.

Currently, I am using a normal digital camera that I bought a year ago. It's user friendly, comprises many useful features, and quality of photos is not bad. Anyhow, I used to use traditional maual type of SLR camera, which I could play with the effects by adjusting the shutter speed, brightness, and so on. And hence, I am not satisfy with the performance of any of the basic camera (Cantonese called it "idiot camera"). But in many ways, it is easy to use, fast capture, and more portable. For a normal user, it's good enough. If you are not so demanding about the professionality of photography, I highly recommend Canon Powershot 400!

Well, I am looking for a model named Olympus Evolt 500. It's a quiet new product in the market - an advanced digital SLR with Zuiko lenses. Meanwhile, I am also considering another Pentax film SLR camera that comes with 2 lenses. The prices of both types are so much different. The digital camera costs approximately USD1000 and the film camera costs only USD269 nett.

In terms of photo quality and durability, I prefer a film camera. I feel that film camera always capture a better quality of photos. The con is it costs a lot for me to print the photos and also hard to upload to internet. Then, how can I share the photos with you guys?? hehe....

But getting a good digital SLR camera is pricy! With that big amount, I can buy a laptop. Choosing between camera and laptop also troubled me. I am so passionate about photography, getting a good camera is a must. In the other hand, I could do self learning on some softwares if I have a laptop. Am I suppose to take this good opportunity to visit around and do photography or stay home to learn something that is useful for my future? em, what do you think?

Added: My point is: I can either buy a camera or buy a laptop, or spend for my travel. Three options also cost more or less the same. I dont have extra money to spend because I still have bond in my country. Dai lou, you wan to sponsor?? hahaa......

The colours of fall

Fall 2005 Massachusetts, United States

If you ever seen the changes of colours from Summer to Autumn

If you ever listened to the conversation between the wind and the leaves

If you ever drove on such a scenic drive

You have ever been to the fairly land

Vacation home on the lakeside

The colours could change dramatically from green to yellow, yellow to orange, orange to brown.. within a few days

The quiet lake water mirrored the trees skirting around it

Sitting here for fishing or just doing nothing? Both will be fine!!

* The foliage in its most colorful season in the middle of October.. (Norh or Boston)

Crescent Farm

This farm stand catches my attention everytime when I passby it. It is also an ice creme stand which open in Summer and Spring. The stand out right on the road side

and contrast with the blue sky!

I guess, having an ice creme on the bench to appreciate the greenery and extensive view of the farm is the most relaxing thing to do in this sunny and windy day. Unfortunately, the famr stand is closed. So I walked down to the farm quietly to avoid frighten the animals. Out of my expect, the sheeps and rabbits all walked close to me like welcoming a new friends to their house!

Up: Sheepies come closer to me to see my little green Canon A400 digital camera. Down: Rabbies also curiouse on me. Right: The cows are more enjoy eating the grass.

more photos, see my yahoo photos...

Harvard University

Oct 22, 2005 (Saturday *Shower*)

There was a tour organised by Au Pair in America to visit Harvard University on last Saturday. I would want to drive to Cambridge but I was unable to connect any friends who will drive, there must be something wrong with my cellphone service. At last, I took a train from Newburyport Train station to North Station and transfer to subway. At first, it sounds complicated, but everything is fine because it is not much different from LRT in Malaysia, MRT in Singapore or even Metro in UK and Europe.

I am not really interested in the history of Harvard University. I never wish to study in Harvard. I know that I am not the "stuff" for it, and I know that I am not rich enough for me to study in such a reputable and EXPENSIVE charges university. So, what for I listen to all the enrollment procedures and history? But picture, of course I need to take more...hahaa....

Anyhow, study in Harvard is a life time experience. Though the tuition fees is superb expensive, one subject will cost more than USD700. With that amount, I can travel to West coast and enjoy my California vacation happily. It will be a hard decision to choose between travel or study in Harvard. If I don't travel to California, do I still have the opportunity to come back to America again? I am not sure. But I am sure, I have very little possibility to come back to America and stay long enough to study in Harvard again. Thus, my current decision is: Study in Harvard. I will pick a course to study in Harvard in Spring, to leave myself a unforgettable and precious memory!

Snowing!!!

It's snowing! It's snowing!! yahoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oct 29, 2005 (Saturday) 9:50am Boxford, Massachusetts
I came out from the Boxford Post office after drop a postcard to Singapore. And I am so excited to see the first snow in my life! The snow is as light as feather floating in the air before it touches the earth, so wonderful!

I picked up the phone and called my friend from South Africa, Andell was still asleep and didn't believe me. It's true! Nobody believe the snow is so early and not even come to November yet. The snow falls to the pine trees and also the windscreen of my car, It makes me feel like the Christmas is around the corner.

Oh, I must grap my camera and get out of the house again.... See ya!

Snow! I am coming!!!

DVD/VCR/MP3/Windows Media Player

Broken Vs. NEW one
A week ago, Nela and I went to blockbuster to buy a VCR. We found a old movie called "Rush" and it looks funny. So I spent $5.7++ to bring back the VCR to my room.

While we were going to insert the VCR to my VCR player. Nela stop me qith a question :"Did you use the VCR player before?" "NO" I answered. "Oh oh" both of us come out the same words at the same time. After a few minutes, we both disappointed but laughing at our stupidity. I have never check on the VCR player before we buy the VCR. And she was really shock that I didn't curious at everthing, didn't try to use everything once I arrive. Hehee.... that's me. I will only touch that thing when I need to use it.

So I asked Eivind to help. After a 20 minutes of trial, we decided to leave it. The VCR is still stucking in the player till to date. But they just brought me a new one yesterday. I am so happy and can't wait for them to connect it for me tonight. I did it by myself!

It's awesome! It is not only a DVD and VCR player, it can also play MP3 and Windows Media. I can view my photos using my TV and also play my songs in my room. Yahooo!! Save my own $$$ to buy a speaker now. TSI, please dont send me speaker. hahaha.......... :)
But how turn off the TV screen when I listening to CD? I remember last time Wei Wei taught Chuan to do that. Please teach me.